I’ve mentioned a bit here and there that I’m a pool fan — both playing and spectating. I usually only watch the Women’s Professional Billiard Association (WPBA) matches.

I have a love/hate relationship with the “sexy woman pool player” stereotype. It’s sometimes fun to use that image against a male opponent. He’s expecting me to care more about my image than my game, and I try to make him pay for that assumption. On the other hand, I hate that top female pool players are expected not only to be great at the game but also eye candy. When the male players are at the top of their sport (and I do mean pretty much every sport), that’s more than enough to catapult them to the greatest heights of celebrity and adulation. Their looks don’t often, if ever, play into it.

So while I first learned to play pool 14 years ago, my interest only resurfaced about seven months ago. That’s also when I started watching a lot of matches and getting familiar with the women on the pro tour. This reemergence of my passion for pool happened a few months after my introduction to the fat acceptance movement.

Naturally, depiction of varied body types was on my mind a lot at the time — and still is actually. So I would often analyze what I was watching or reading to see just who was represented. I wondered if the paucity of larger pro (female) pool players — the men have a few — had to do with the reluctance of fat people to “put themselves out there,” especially after having learned well and early the 100 percent wrong lesson that we should hide out of sight, or if it involved the “sexy lady pool shark” image.

In any case, the first female pool player I saw to have a body type even somewhat similar to mine was Melissa Herndon. Her nickname is the Dragon Lady.

After the first match I saw Melissa play, I couldn’t wait to get online and learn more about her. Granted, I do this with most of the players, but still … Anyway, I don’t know if I’m looking in the wrong places or what, but there isn’t a whole hell of a lot of info on many of the women pool players. What I can find is often a teense outdated by like two or three years.

The most exhaustive article I’ve found so far on Melissa is from Billiards Digest December 2004 issue. Here’s how it opens:

We not only ruined Melissa Herndon’s day but her month, if not her year. We made her hurt. We made her cry. We made her angry. In fact, to this day, the thought of what we did to her last Christmas still eats at her. We made her so sick that she even fleetingly considered quitting the professional tour.

All because we didn’t ask her to pose for our special “Twelve Days of Christmas” spread.

“Here I am working my butt off, trying to get better, move up in the rankings, and for what?’” says the fiery 31-year-old Californian known as The Dragon Lady. “Why am I wasting my time? Why should I work harder to get anywhere on this tour when I’m always going to be ignored? I mean, you guys asked everybody in the Top 16 to be in that issue but me. And I know why - because I’m a big girl. Because I don’t fit the stereotype for beautiful in this society. So I get passed over for girls who, quote unquote, look better, who are thinner.”

“I’m so tired of it,” she adds with a huge sigh. “God, it’s so frustrating. We’re so body conscious it’s brutal. But that’s the way the world works, I guess.”

After I read that, I was all, “Ooh, I like! She’s got spunk.” Could she be a budding size activist? A bit further down:

Herndon is a Botticelli girl stuck in an Anna Kournikova world: a thick, big-boned, exceedingly busty 5-foot-6. “You know,” she says, “there was a time when the skinny girls were considered ugly.” Though she won’t divulge her weight or dress size*, she concedes, “I do carry some extra weight.” It’s in her genes, she says, explaining that her mom is on the large size and the women on her father’s side tend to grow big with age.

It’s looking like I may have a new heroine in my two biggest interests right now: pool and fat acceptance.

And now she’s dropping the poundage and reshaping her body, working out three times a week for an hour-and-a-half each day and altering her starchy diet. “I don’t know how much weight I’ve lost, because I don’t weigh myself, but I can definitely see that my body is changing,” she says. “But the best thing is, I think it’s helping me mentally, developing a stronger focus.” She says she doesn’t have any goals for weight loss. “I just want to be in better shape and healthier. I don’t want to have a heart attack when I’m 50.”

OK, so there are some kinks to work out. The “extra weight” idea, the skinny can be ugly talk, the fallacy that extra weight leads to heart attacks, especially at a young age. But otherwise, sounds like HAES to me.

The above pic is from the first match I ever saw Melissa play. IIRC, she’s willing the cue ball to stop where it is so she’ll have good position on the next object ball.

It’s nice seeing myself in some way represented in the sport I love. I’m looking forward to watching more of Melissa on the WPBA tour. I’d also enjoy more up-to-date information about her and the other players. One thing I’m always researching about them is the origins of their nicknames. From the same Billiards Digest article as above:

She became The Dragon Lady long before she joined the professional tour, when she was just a local hotshot in Southern California. She got the tag partly because of her Asian heritage (she’s half-Japanese), partly because of her hellish temperament in those days. “I’d get so mad when playing at times that people would say it looked like I was breathing fire,” she says. What made the nickname stick was a friend painting a ferocious-looking green-and-yellow dragon taking a bite out of a 9 ball on her light gray cue case. The image fit her perfectly.

If you landed here searching for Jennifer Barretta, I’m glad you stuck around to read about Melissa. Here’s a pic of the two with Tiffany Nelson:

Personally, I’d like to see a photo spread of Melissa in a bikini or at a pool table — just not simultaneously**. Are you listening, FHM?

*[I can totally relate to this, btw. It's one of the thorns in my fat-positive side. I was raised not to reveal my weight practically on pain of death. In fact, until relatively recently I never openly acknowledged or talked about being fat and/or dieting (if I happened to be on one). It was like a secret to me. Ironic, huh? Being fat is a fairly open secret. "Love, and a cough, are not concealed." Add fat to the list.]

**[Because that makes nosensewhatsofrickingever.]

What if I’d accepted his interest for what it was … genuine?

What if I’d pursued the possibilities?

What if he were my true love?

What if I hadn’t allowed fat-negativity to breed doubt and fear?

I find LOLcats sometimes amusing, sometimes banal. The one above? There’s nothing LOL about it.

Fat jokes require less wit and skill than knock-knock jokes. Fat joke tellers — including professional comedians — you’re all hacks!

[See Creamy Nougat Lair's post today for an actual funny LOLcat]

Let The Judgment of Paris wash away those negative thoughts. At first, I was almost put off by the name of the site and forum because “judgment” carries some negative connotations [ETA: I should have noted especially Paris'], but I’m glad I forged ahead because I just happened upon this thread about “that most sensual, most seductive of all facial features, the ’slight rise’ of a ’slope towards the throat,’ which Renaissance writers held to be the epitome of feminine beauty” and was able to view an often maligned and despised part of a woman’s body from a new perspective.

I hope I’m not easy to brainwash or anything, but I felt happier after reading through that post and the comments. I could actually see where they were coming from, and that’s a first for me when it comes to the dreaded “wattle.” I can’t wait to go exploring the rest of this site and its forum. Here’s to fresh (or restored) ways of looking at things and people …

Fans of a certain reality show, be warned: spoilers ahoy.

Click here to sally forth …

In response to Whiny, Shrill and Hysterical Oh My! – and if my comment(s) ever show up there, please forgive the redundancy.

IMO, dieters by definition aren’t fat acceptors. If they were, they wouldn’t be dieting. I think to bend over backwards to somehow include them in a movement they don’t even subscribe to is pointless. It negates pretty much everything we’re fighting for. I happen to believe what I quoted on my blog yesterday — one’s wanting to lose weight leads to our oppression. And for a commenter on another blog to insinuate anti-diet-ers (as in against diets) are closet pro-lifers is just SO GROSS.

So I’m “radical,” I guess. But I choose to view that in its pure form meaning “root” rather than “extreme.”

Size acceptance is a different movement, IMO. That’s to help individuals in their own brains, with their views of themselves. Fat people need that, too.

BUT fat people also need accepted by others. Thin people already are. Fat acceptance is for individuals *and* society at large. Personally I see fat rights and fat acceptance as intertwined. Sure, society will never be divested of all prejudice(s), but it could be a lot more tolerant climate, IYKWIM. It could be even better than tolerant, I think. When fat is not accepted — when it’s viewed as less than — it’s easy to dismiss the need for rights. Have we learned nothing from other oppressed groups who were initially kept down because they were viewed as less than?

If dieters truly care about fat rights, fine. Start an offshoot group Dieters for Fat Rights. I’m not sure I could take you seriously (not putting your money where your mouth is), but if that’s what you believe and want to fight for, have at it.

Having pro-diet ANYthing within a so-called fat acceptance space is a destructive message to fledgling fat acceptors. They don’t need to hear it in the fatosphere when they hear it everydamnwhere else.

IMO (third time).

I highly recommend reading Dr. Pattie Thomas’ book Taking Up Space. Now, IIRC she caveats this comment to the point of pretty much nullifying it, but I only noted the part that impressed me. So that’s what I’m quoting here.

[...]“your wanting to lose weight leads to my oppression”[...]

Every single one of the above activities [plastic surgery, WLS, no-fat diet, food/activity journaling, Weight Watchers et al., over-exercise, diet pills] is dependent upon a portrayal of my body or a body similar to mine as unacceptable. [...]

As much as those decisions are personal, they are based on an understanding of fatness that asserts that someone who looks like me is stupid, lazy, over-indulgent, and greedy. I don’t object to the activities. I object to the demonization.

This is really powerful for me. It explains perfectly why the cover image of this weight loss memoir (published by Seal Press! LOL) is so disturbing/insulting. Wow, you’ve shrunk yourself so you can fit your entire body into one leg of your old pair of pants. What about the women who still wear that size of pants?

Another thing that’s really stuck with me from her book is Pattie’s excellent point — one I’ve not encountered much — that fat discrimination actually hurts everyone in that talented people aren’t utilized to their fullest when denied opportunities because of being fat. Fat discrimination squanders a valuable pool of human resources.

I’ve also already linked a couple times before to her essay “Top 10 Things I’m Tired of Discussing” (PDF)*. The title sounds off-putting, but it’s well worth a read. It’s where I learned to change my perspective about people who use scooters while shopping. Granted, I wasn’t anywhere near the perspective of the jerk mentioned here (whose rant was correctly identified by Big Liberty as hate speech). But I did feel like, “Oh, I feel bad that person has to use a scooter.”

Well, let me tell ya, I feel good and happy when I see scooter drivers now. I beam at posts like Boombatti’s “Paul Prudhomme Rocks.” I have Pattie Thomas to thank. She writes:

I love that there are some fat people out there who are just being themselves and who assert the space to be themselves. I also love the fat people who are visible at the Wal-mart on the electric scooters. I love fat people who use their walking poles and get out for a stroll. I love fat travelers who demand a space on the beach to simply be. I love fat
people who fight for a seat on the airplane. I love fat people who demand a comfortable seat at the theatre, the doctor’s office or the classroom. You see, I think that any visible fat person is a good thing because we are told to make ourselves as invisible as possible.

Me, too. Pattie, you taught me this. Now I grin and say to myself, “You show ‘em,” when I see a fat person reclaim her place in the world by “daring” to shop from a scooter.

Pattie also has a blog, although the last update was in December: http://fattypatties.blogspot.com/

*Big Fat Blog turned me onto this essay

When I was recently a-Googling how to write “Have you eaten yet?” in Chinese, I found an excellent essay on the common Chinese greeting.

On the surface, the question “Have you eaten yet?”, a common salutation among various Asian populations, may seem a bit odd. However, in today’s parlance, it is similar to such phrases as “how are you?”, “what’s up?”, “good morning,” and “good day” as a greeting when initiating conversation, communication, and interaction.

In the pre-industrial agricultural era, frequent natural disasters and warfare only added to the hardship of most Asians’ lives. When three square meals a day were the exception and not the rule, a good meal and a warm bed were considerable blessings. Consequently, in an age of material scarcity, asking someone if they’d eaten was a projection of one’s own state of being and thus conveyed caring and good will, as if saying, “I hope you are not enduring hunger and have had a meal.”

So, “Have you eaten yet?”

When you hear people greet you in this way in Asia, they really are concerned if you’ve eaten. If you respond by saying, ‘No, I haven’t eaten,’ many gracious Asians will ask you to be their guest for a meal on the spot to have you enjoy the true satisfaction of a good meal. The colloquial Chinese phrase, “a person taking a meal is as untouchable as the emperor,” puts this respect for satisfying humanity’s need for survival into crystal clear focus in a colorful manner.

Rooted in a humanist perspective, “have you eaten yet?” further contains Asian values of pragmatism. Hunger signifies the need to eat, and many Asians, whose self-expression is restrained and subtle, are not afraid to exemplify the guiding principle of survival that “the people live for food” and to extend that concept into their daily lives as a customary phrase of communication. Thus the rhetorical question, “have you eaten yet?” represents an approach to communication that encompasses humanity’s physical instincts and Asians’ living conditions. Reflecting a “self-awareness” and thinking, at the same time it evokes a Golden Rule (putting oneself in the place of others) condition of sharing and communication values.

In my search, I also found a post that addressed how certain answers to “Have you eaten yet?” might be perceived by the asker.

From the blog “Ai ya!”:

Interestingly, answers that may seem “okay” or acceptable in the US would be considered rude in Asia. For example, consider the following:

(older person) “Have you eaten yet?”
(you) “No thanks, I’m on a diet.”
(older person thinks: What a snob, and what a conversation-killer)

Another scenario:
(friend) “have you eaten yet?”
(you) “No thanks, I just ate.”
(friend thinks: she ate without me? or she doesn’t want to spend time with me? oh how rejected I feel….)

So what is a good, yet financially sound, solution that will please everyone in every country? Consider the following:

“Not yet, it’s only 3PM; why don’t we go somewhere first to talk/shop/study?”

“Not yet, why don’t you come over and I’ll cook for both of us?”

“Not yet; there’s a new (re: cheap) place I’ve been meaning to try, let’s go there.”

“Not yet; why don’t we call up the gang and let’s all go out to eat.” (the strategy here being, more people to split the cost and/or share dishes)

A little diplomacy goes a long way…for your wallet, too.

It struck me that an answer that would seem virtuous in the U.S. — “I’m on a diet” — is seen as snobby and rude.

In the comments to the post at “Ai ya!” the point is made that there are other cultures that celebrate food and eating instead of puritanically controlling it. The commenters mention Jewish and Latin cultures.

I’m Jewish and it’s definitely one I associate with my sub-culture where one is always being urged to “Eat! Eat! What? You don’t like what I make?”

and

…food = nurturing in Latin cultures, too!…we use food to show love…and, food is a main component of any major occasion…my family…

Another comment I liked that I happened upon in my search, from a travel guide site:

In China if you greeting as:”Have you eaten already?” nobody will think”Do you want to treat me to a dinner.” they just think you are care for him/her .they will be pleased.

I love that! They will think that you care and will be pleased. It would be so great if more of us could think of food and eating as caring for ourselves and about others and not some bean counting punishment or just filling up our bodies’ “gas tanks.” I think more of us would be pleased …

http://apostate.wordpress.com/2008/04/14/oh-the-silencing/

http://apostate.wordpress.com/2008/04/25/it-wont-stop/

http://apostate.wordpress.com/2008/04/26/race-for-an-eternal-expat/

http://womensspace.wordpress.com/2008/04/25/so-what-do-you-do/

http://womensspace.wordpress.com/2008/04/25/villagers-in-the-town-square-torches-blazing/

Worth Your Weight is now on the Fat Liberation feed! Thanks for adding me ^_^

You can read more about the feed here … and while you’re there, check out Big Liberty’s latest post. It’s defo food for thought.

Now, shhh. No one tell that I have tendencies toward democratic socialism